On the surface, it would seem an Oscar night like any other; the red carpets, the dazzling gowns and the regal black tie. But if we delve deeper it soon becomes clear that something sinister has gripped last night’s ceremony in fear: 'The Phantom of the Oscars'!
As legend has it, many moons ago, a man by the name of Kevin Hart paid a most terrible price for statements made some moons prior to that about homosexuals. Stripped as host of the Oscars, this man of laughter and comedy fled into hiding, never to be seen again. Until now.
At first there were just rumours, whispers through the halls of gentrified LA apartments of falling props, faulty car brakes and exploding espresso machines. Surely such terrible fates were mere coincidence? Surely not the machinations of a vengeful phantom prowling the Oscars like a (formerly?) homophobic haunt.
Alas, it is no longer deniable that the Phantom is real! Found just yesterday morn on stage before a rehearsal t'was a junior cameraman brutally murdered, a copy of Kevin Hart's latest stand-up DVD found upon his person. May God save us!
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